To Be Transgender
Growing up thinking you’re different or you're ill but then you consider that it could just be a phase.
How without the right support you could feel depressed and alone.
Where I grew up, mainly on my own with little friends as I found it difficult to explain to others about my feelings.
But how can a guy whose cousins and family have a bodybuilding track record tell someone that he feels effeminate.
At a young age, how would you know what these terms are or what their true meanings are?
How many of you know what the differences between transvestite, transsexual, transgender and gender queer are? Do you even know what one of the terms refers to? I suppose most people may think as all these as drag queens or drag kings. (Drag is dressed as a girl, drab is dressed as a boy.)
But after research within this topic during my college years I found out that I was a transvestite and possibly transsexual. Though after medical supervision I came to realise that yes I am a transsexual, as I wish to die as a female, though my confidence is lacking.
And yes, I will be wearing the dress at my wedding and like every girl I have been shopping for the perfect dress for past five years and Alfred Angelo seems to be the designer for me.
So, what is it like to be transgendered?
Well my sex (reproductive organs) is still the same, but gets in the way a bit learning how to cope, and hiding various bumps of your body can be tedious.
The Adam's apple seems most troublesome, though scarves are best, though when you have your voice surgically altered they can shave your apple off. (By the way, they do this when you’re awake. As I turn white at first sign of blood, I will not be doing this any time soon).
I still spend most of my life as an ugly guy, but I am not afraid to shop for myself or try female clothes on in stores or go and have and female treatment while dressed as a guy, such as manicures. I tend to do this myself as it's relaxing. Besides it’s against the law for a shop or store to deny the transgendered of any female or male treatment.
The police have been helpful to providing legal advice on various issues but their entire resource is based on a charity as the police don’t have the answers at all on transgender topics so www.gires.org.uk is my little friend.
I have suffered from abuse from family and some people of the public. I have been reported to the police for using female facilities, but perceived as a girl I have the right to use female facilities so normally the police will not do anything.
Read the documents on GIRES for further information. Thought for the boys out there: if you saw a woman enter the boys’ toilets, would you care? No, didn't think so.
Transgender abuse is serious and is a criminal offence. We are just people who know what it is like to be both a girl and a boy.
Dresses or trousers?
Well, personally I would like to wear a ball gown every day of my life but funds don’t permit it, and I can't wear the same one now can I? I'd need 365 of them at least.
Whatever feels comfortable at that particular moment, unless I am going to a party then dress accordingly. Being a girl at parties I do feel special as we girls are nice and colourful and the guys are boring black and white. Yeah, good thing I am not a man.
However, I just want to live my life as a regular girl, nothing special, even though I hate jewellery. I don't even wear a watch. Though as I do want to be a regular girl who does love pink (colour, I like classical music) I need to be careful of what I wear.
Having a male body, naturally my shape is masculine, but I am kinda lucky that I have a small waist though. My shoulders are wide, so my body proportion is out of place. The right style for me is kaftans or loose-fitting tops, as I can look feminine.
And now shoes? These things are so strange in sizes they vary so much. I can’t find a size that I can say will defiantly fit me. Boots: I can take a 7, trainers 10, pumps 8. Ugg style 7-9. So guys you have it easy with shoes.
A size 10 in men’s is meant to be same in women’s but it’s not as I am a size 9 or supposed to be but my feet range in four different sizes.
How people perceive me gets frustrating as I just want to pass. Long hair helps but that’s not it. A girl in men’s clothing can still look like a girl. Whereas I look like a guy. So hence how maybe you may see some male-to-female transgendered dress over the top or wear more Gothic styles.
I’m not a Goth, no thanks, cyber-Goth maybe. So the way I dress will translate on how people will perceive me. As we see on the news every so often where transgendered people (mainly male-to-female) are bullied and sometimes like recently, are killed for being what they are. Why? It’s only a genetic defect during the creation of our feminate body. Our brain is female that’s correct it’s just our body was messed up during the manufacturing process.
What will hormones do?
These little things which are normally made from horse urine can do everything or nothing.
They may or may not do anything. But mostly do something.
For male-to-female
- Voice, not really
- Bone structure can change and even change shape like my hips may grow outwards, women tend to have stronger bones and better bone marrow probably why their life expectancy is higher
- Breasts can take up to 5 years to fully form and hurt like hell
- Genitals may shrink not garmented. However your fertility rate will be diminished
- Skin should become clearer with less acne
- Hair should be cleaner
For female-to-male
- Stubble/Beard growth
- Muscles should grow to more masculine, female body builders sometimes take male hormones as steroids are illegal in some competitions
- Greasy hair and skin with more chance of acne
Loud and Proud: Cardiff LGBT Youth Provision
8 Comments – Post a comment
LoudandProud
Commented 67 months ago - 2nd November 2010 - 13:52pm
Hi Naleen,
A very interesting and informative article you have wrote here. I feel that there needs to be more information availablr for young people who may identify themselves a transexual or transgender.
If at any time you would like to come along to Loud and Proud you are more than welcome to join us on a saturday afternoon. Have a look at our profile and the contact details are on there.
Loud & Proud
ShroukiePoo!
Commented 67 months ago - 2nd November 2010 - 21:08pm
Awesome article, dudette!
xxx
SamuelPatterson
Commented 67 months ago - 2nd November 2010 - 22:47pm
I don't want to appear like I'm not sensitive to what your going through here, but reading this article, I get the impression that your slagging men off in general. I understand that you don't want to be a man and that's fine, but some of the things you say, such as "I still spend most of my life as an ugly guy" can appear offensive.
Especially when you said (with reference to party outfits) "the guys are boring black and white", that's a bit stereotypical. I now plenty of men, myself included, you wear vibrant colours to a party.
"Thought for the boys out there: if you saw a woman enter the boys’ toilets, would you care? No, didn't think so." also, to me, seems like your saying that all men want woman to come into their toilets and do whatnot. I think that's a completely unfair viewpoint: Yes, I would mind if a normal woman barged into the men's toilets.
I'm trying to read this article with an open mind, and I am perfectly fine if you consider yourself a woman and not a man, but you are generalising men far too much in this article and I think it's unfair. Saying "guys you have it easy with shoes" is a complete misrepresentation. I have difficulty when shopping for shoes just as much as the next person.
So, like I said, I'm completely supportive of the Trans community, but this article, in my opinion, unfairly represents men.
Naleen
Commented 67 months ago - 5th November 2010 - 03:39am
This is my perspective from a MtF point of view so yes it will be biased. if you don't want a biased opinion ask an MTFTM or FTMTF maybe they can explain a bit better. However if you ask a FtM they will say similar things to myself possibly on the lines of how men have more rights than women, they don't well not in this country but the items on discussion will be different.
As for parties I meant more on the lines of Wedding parties or formal parties. for example the Royal Ball: You wont see Prince Charles in a Yellow Suit. but you may see the Queen or a Princess in a Yellow Gown. Its expected for Men to follow the Black and White suit structure, even in the office work place.
As I am a TS if look at all the positive parts of being a female and the negative parts I will take as being part of what I want to be and the path I am willing to take to achieve that. So I find it hard to look at it from a FtM's point of view. I would like to convince all FtM's to not transition but its not my choice its what they want to do or be. As is with my situation people try to tell me that I should not transition to female and males are better. But our minds are set to a destination and it only goes forward.
What many Trans people do get at points of their transition is guilt and remorse.
A friend of mine who has since transitioned, said that at some point in my transition I will think this is a big mistake and start over as a male. But find out a few years or months later that transitioning is what you want.
'Yes I am biased on this and I will stay that way. I would like to see if any other Trans people will come forward and post their views Transgenderism is a vast area and my view of being Transgendered is not the only view.
Just how I see myself in relation to the current world and why other than feeling I am in the wrong body, I want to transition.
hollymorris
Commented 67 months ago - 6th November 2010 - 11:16am
As a lesbian, I'd like to add that I'm often (rather jokingly) stereotypical and find comfort in gender-categorising. For the LGBT community, whether it be insincere or not, it's often easier to understand or come to terms with our own positions in terms of gender and sexual confusion if we make the positions of others more relative or simple. Just an insight- I'm not supporting bigotry here.
SamuelPatterson
Commented 67 months ago - 8th November 2010 - 12:09pm
I understand where you're both coming from, but if people were to start generalising the LGBT community, surely that yould upset you. The whole point of the LGBT community is to support each other and show that you're individuals: but if someone starts bunching you all together and labeling you, you lose your individulaity.
pippa123
Commented 40 months ago - 25th January 2013 - 09:26am
that article was amzing, i love how you would express yoursleft to the world.it doent matter wether your a man inside a womans body or a woman inside a mans body, all it means is that your the special one you shouldnt sit around thinking no one is going to like me and people are going to call me names, thats not the way to think you should think forward and be proud of being transgendered you get to have an opantunaty that no one else has so think yourselft lucky and look forward to your future.
xxxxxxx
Jess Trans
Commented 33 months ago - 2nd August 2013 - 17:04pm
pippa123 is correct , as a trans woman in Wrexham I find I must be positive or never leave the house. I have grown to embrace my trans status and enjoy shopping , drinking and everything else a non trans woman can do in the town centre. Which if anybody knows Wrexham is no small feat , but the truth is I get very little abuse and alot of trans peoples fears are , at least what I have found, Just fear.