The X Factor: Every Little Grates
'OMG The X-Factor is Amazing!'*
We've entered early October already, the once green and lush leaves of summer have turned an autumnal shade of orangy-brown. The
evenings are growing colder and darker and the kids are settled back in the classroom.
It's around this time of year that any of the apathetic opinions I have towards the X Factor turn to fully developed, visceral resentments. I figure I'll get my two pennies worth in early this year before the series draws to its typically hyperbolic conclusion around Christmas time.
It's not that this hugely popular format of uncovering the 'next big thing' isn't entertaining, I'll admit that I watch it each week along with what feels like everybody else in the UK and Ireland. However, I also feel like I'm the only one that finds the X Factor contrived, predictable and culturally numbing. It seems that ITV would rather continue flogging the one trick behemoth of a pony for as long as the 'dumbed' down, easily pleased public lap it up with relish rather than inject the money it has raised into talented television writers or directors.
I can hear the counter argument now 'watch something else, there's hundreds of other channels to turn over to'.
But, the fact is that prime-time television has transformed over the last decade. This, in my humble, yet cynical opinion,can be attributed to brain dead, marketable and revenue generating shows such as X Factor. At an alarming rate, thought provoking and awe-inspiring documentaries from Sir David Attenborough, genius whodunit shows such as David Renwick's Jonathan Creek and hilarious, timeless sitcoms such as Only Fools and Horses have been long forgotten, swallowed up and replaced by Strictly Come Dancing, Dancing with The Stars, So You Think You Can Dance?, Dancing On Ice, Must Be The Music, Pop Stars, Pop Stars The Rivals, Britain's got Talent, I'm a Celebrity, Celebrity Love Island... Well, you get the picture.
One can almost guarantee at this point that the winner of X Factor will release a Christmas number one single - a nauseating Disney style cover of a song that was so awful in the first place, it will have the original artist laughing all the way to the bank in order to cash in the yuletide royalties. Said song will be accompanied by an equally slushy montage video of early auditions (hug family), later auditions (hug Cheryl) and final victory (hug Dermott, drop to knees in tears). You would think the fact that everybody knows this would render the whole charade pointless, and yet we continue to drink it down with aplomb. Because it's safe, it's cosy and it doesn't make us think too much. To nod towards the great Bill Hicks - 'go back to sleep,public, everything's fine.'
Not even the post production Autotune scandal that was admitted to by ITV managed to derail the talent show juggernaut. This is because the viewers aren't questioning anything anymore, just opening wide for the next dose of 'reality' TV. Even if that includes the entire first portion of the show being a recap of what happened last week, just in case the viewer's memory isn't capable of extending back seven days.
All of this was swirling around inside my mind while I was standing at the self-service checkout in Tesco having momentarily glanced at the cover of Heat magazine. Imagine, dear reader, the frustration. Not even a checkout assistant to share my opinions with. Although I can't confess to being one who engages in debates regarding pop culture with strangers, I'd imagine store security would have been called rather promptly had I decided to.
Following the success of Rage Against the Machine last year, I had an idea on the way home. Let's release a festive single using only vocal soundbites from the Tesco self-service checkouts. It'd be less corporate, less annoying and less digitally enhanced as the X Factor winner's effort. And of course, when the winner returns to stacking shelves after six months, they can be constantly reminded of their spectacular failure.
The idea of Mr Cowell's popularity waning in the foreseeable future is as probable as a Milliband Brothers rendition of Unchained Melody ousting the eventual winner's effort from the top of the charts. For now then, I'll sit back with a takeaway, wash it down with some Coca-Cola and quietly tut at the TV.
*line edited using ITV AutoPraise software.
Do you share the views of this author are you a fan of X-Factor? Let's get some debate going. Leave your comments below.
IMAGE: Personeelsnet and K Teezy
1 Comment – Post a comment
Tom_Bevan
Commented 68 months ago - 14th October 2010 - 16:18pm
*line edited using ITV AutoPraise software.
best ending ever :L