The Pain Of A Lost Child: Chapter Twenty-Three
Then she felt Rob place a soft hand on her back and rub her gently to try and soothe her. It didn’t help much, so he turned her over, took her in his arms and pulled her onto his lap. Rob cradled her head on his shoulder and held her tightly, trying to calm her by rocking his body slightly as he would a child.
“Annie, Annie my love it’s OK I’m here, I’ve got you, don’t worry about Becca she just wanted to play so she’s fine. Does it hurt you so much still from N-Niko my love?” he said kissing her on the top of her head.
“I’m sorry Rob but when I saw her looking up at me, like Niko had that first time - ready for the morning feed... and I-I just knew that I couldn’t do it, I could not let Becca feed from me, I feel like I’m betraying Niko, my body has not accepted that he is dead. I still hear him crying for me Rob, I’m going mad aren’t I?” she asked with a small smile.
“No Annie, you're not going mad, I know what you mean, I still see him in your arms in my dreams and sometimes in my sleep. I feel you move against me and I feel Niko move as if he was still in you and I pray that this is just a nightmare. But it’s not Annie, it’s not,” he said sadly.
“Oh Rob,” she said and pulled his head down for a lingering kiss, “we will get through this, I’m sure that I will be able to feed Becca soon-”
Rob cut her off and smiled grimly at her, “Annie, I won’t let you put yourself through that hurt. You know we can bottle feed Becca and you can feel at ease with her.”
“No! Annie now come on, you need to rest, I'll sort everything out OK?”
He hugged her tight one last time in his arms and then laid her down tucking the quilts around her. He placed a warm kiss on her forehead and watched her silently fall into a deep sleep.
While Annie was sleeping Rob took Becca over to his sister Kay’s and asked her to look after her for a little while, when she asked why he quickly explained to her what had happened that morning with Annie.
“She’s still morning Niko see Kay and really I don’t know what to do.”
“Well Rob it’s your own bloody fault,” Kay had said spitefully back to him and then took Becca into her arms holding her close to her chest, “she had not grieved long enough and yet you went and got her pregnant again. Oh and don’t tell me it was to help her to get through the pain of losing Niko because that’s total bull. Yes while she was carrying Becca she might of perked up but that’s just the joy of motherhood and all the emotions gone to pot, then I’m guessing as soon as she saw Becca the memories came flooding back! Well God help you Rob. Now get going because Danny will be up soon and I’ve got my kids and my own baby to think about, so get! And you can tell Annie that if she needs to talk to someone then she can come to me!”
“Yeah Kay but I think seeing your kids and pregnant belly ain't gonna help her,” he said with a raise of his eyebrows to her.
Danny come through the hallway, “hiya Rob what you doing here?” he placed his hand over the soft swell of Kay’s pregnant belly and gently rubbed it as if stroking their babe. Then he saw the baby in her arms, “hey is this your little one Rob?”
“Well yep, that’s my little Becca. I was just having a chat with my sister and coming to see my little niece and nephew of course,” he added for good measure.
“Oh well the kids are still asleep and Kay’s OK aren’t you darling?” he asked Kay.
“Yep I’m fine, so you can scat now Rob, while I sort out this with Danny here, so go back to Annie and comfort her.”
With that Rob left and he heard Danny ask his sister why she still had Becca and then Kay started to explain.