The Pain Of A Lost Child: Chapter Twenty-Two
Annie looked up at him and reached out to pull him down beside her but he backed off slightly and looked sternly at her.
“No Annie you need to rest, you’ve only just given birth to Becca and your body needs time to recuperate from such a change. There will be more than enough time to continue with what we were just doing but now is not it OK love,” he said and then smiled grimly at her.
She pouted a little for not getting her own way but then she began to feel the tiredness seeping into her and so she agreed with Rob, for the time being anyway, so he would hold her through the night. Holding Annie tightly though the night sounded simple enough but for Rob it was one of the hardest things he had had to do yet. Feeling her body so close to him made his body ache to feel her but he commanded himself silently and regained control of his body again. It was hours before he felt himself slip into a deep sleep.
The next morning Rob woke up with a smile on his face feeling the warmth next to him in bed, but when he turned to nuzzle Annie and wake her he found the sheet all rumpled and saw her night gown had gone. He stretched his arms and legs then pulled himself up and out of bed. He pulled on his pyjama bottoms and his night gown then walked into the kitchen. Annie was staring into space waiting for the kettle to boil again; she sipped on her hot Chocolate and munched on some toast.
“Morning Annie” he said and leaned against the counter. At first she didn’t answer. She had her cup in one hand brought it up to her lip, paused then looked over to him.
“Morning Rob,” then smiled a warm smile before throwing her head back drinking the last of her chocolate then, placing her mug down quietly, she got up and walked over to him and gave him a warm hug and a long soft kiss before walking into the nursery where Becca was just waking for her morning feed, mewing like a kitten.
“Hey there my darling, Mummy’s here now,” Annie smiled at her daughter then she picked her up and cradled her to her chest. She looked down at the baby and all of a sudden tears flooded her eyes as she remembered her little Niko and what he had looked like when it was his first feed at home. And that was when she realised that she couldn’t do this, she could not feed this beautiful baby of hers. She was still not over her grieving period from Niko. Even now her mind and body still remembered what he had felt like inside her and when he nuzzled against her breast for his feed and seeing her new baby made things all that more worse for her, it made her feel like she was betraying Niko even though she knew he was dead. She swore she could still sense his presence and still hear his little cries for his mummy. And that was when she knew deep down that she just couldn’t do it, she could not let this little girl drink from her breast when her body had not forgotten Niko, she couldn’t and so she softly placed the baby back in the cot and ran out of the room, covering her eyes trying to stop the pain stabbing her wounded heart, stop the tears flowing from her now and the anger at mother nature for her cruel game, toying with her emotions by giving her the one thing that would complete her and then so quickly taking it back.
As she hurried back into the bedroom she heard Rob call after her but she couldn’t stop. She flung herself onto the bed and buried her face into the pillows letting all her pain flood out of her, she cursed into the pillow and cried out for Niko until all her tears had been shed.