The Gay Lifestyle: Is It For Me?
My many reviews on TheSprout, have hopefully given you a flavour of my personality and opinions. But to coincide with this, I now have the urge, the necessity to write more about LGBT+ related issues.
So it starts here people...
For those of you who don't know, I am a gay male. Nothing will change that. My relationship with myself and other gay men is a curious lot. Just the other night to my astonishment and upset, I realised that Queer wise, I had done very little in my life for the past five years. Now that I'm 25, this resonated with me. So what had I done in that timeframe to compensate this fact?
Well, I obtained a Bachelor of Art degree, volunteered and worked at several establishments, been on The Weakest Link (I know!), done some archaeological digs, trips to Amsterdam, Dublin, Poland and of course for the last year, joined TheSprout. So it's not all bad. The gay part of me was just put on a shelf, waiting, begging to be picked up once more. Only this year has it truly been dusted off and crowned once more in all its glory.
As someone who likes to consider themselves culturally invigorated, I have yet to find another male who is as such. Is he out there? Are my expectations too high? Would he even be my age range? Do I dare go along with the severe famously gay quote that I should 'butch up and dumb down'? I recall being told by an older gay Canadian man, that I was 'better than that' after meeting another local guy in a bar. This flattery has stayed with me and set my standards higher. Is this a good or bad thing?
This is a bold remark, but it appears a huge standpoint for gay men is living a rather vapid and promiscuous lifestyle. I don't want this... to a certain extent. I want to be mentally stimulated by other guys and have discussions over what it truly means to be gay. To talk of life and art and hopefully fall madly in love with someone. Not just talk about J-Lo having twins or why Rusty Lee fell down a well.
And yet, after all the stigma and discrimination that still exists today, gay guys will still judge only on face value. For me, to be told 'you’re not my type' can be a dismissive and needlessly hurtful remark to come out with. Do people realise just how awful that statement really is? The constant realisation that you may not be attractive enough to others at times can be stifling. This week I have started a diet in the hope to lose weight. This should hopefully lead to the gym. Although some friends have told me it’s about you are and what you want to be and not others telling you. I just can't sit by and just get fatter and more unhealthy. There are plenty of young people like that in this fair isle. I don't want to be one of them any longer.
And what of Grindr? How can I even discuss that here? For those that don't know, it's basically an app where gay guys can see other guys who are nearest to him for a meet up. Perhaps another article should discuss its effects on the gay community? The dehumanising effect on there is debatable. It happens to be a highly addictive app, that much is known. Much controversy grew out of the 'No Asians' stance some members made very clear on their profiles. That feeling I get when I see someone off Grindr on the street before my very eyes, fills me with varying emotions. Should I say hello? Would they freak out? Is it even that big of a deal?
We live in a society that is frantically thinking about sex, yet always denying it. This is ten-fold in the gay community, yet we are inept of any denial of it. The derogatory words ‘slut’ or ‘slag’ are easily labelled on women and gay men, yet never straight men. The whole idea of masculinity, gender and sexually activity is enough to make my head explode into a thousand tiny chunks. The barriers are broadened, the lines crossed. What are you into? Who’s a top? Who’s a bottom? These words haunt me.
If we want to be taken seriously on the world stage, we have to truly unite as all colours and not like little schoolgirls who have spiders in their hair every five minutes.
Gosh... saying all this was great therapy.
More to follow!
Photo Credit: chrisdonia