Talking About Aspergers
I have always felt that Asperger syndrome is something that needs to be discussed more.
One of my closest friends, Alice, has Asperger syndrome and has talked to me often about the way she is sometimes treated by others just because she has Aspergers. She has told me about how people just don’t understand or know about Asperger syndrome and this drove me to believe that there needs to be a lot more awareness about it.
So, I decided to interview Alice and ask her some important questions in an attempt to not only raise awareness about Asperger syndrome, but to also show those who may have been dismissive of those with Aspergers in the past the effect it can have on the person and how they can behave more appropriately in the future...
So, Alice, you suffer from Asperger syndrome. Can you explain, for those who may not know, what it is?
Asperger syndrome is a condition that affects social communication. It can cause language difficulty. I struggle with understanding body language or people's emotions, which gives me great difficulty to sympathise and empathise with them. I sometimes cannot understand sarcasm or irony either.
What are some of the misconceptions about Asperger syndrome and the people who suffer from it?
There aren’t that many misconceptions but when I meet people for the first time they think I’m blunt, rude, withdrawn and quiet. But I don't mean to behave in a way that offends or hurts them; it’s just I find it difficult to socialise with new people and to grow a bond with them. Their opinions always change right after we become good friends but I feel people get a bad first impression of me when they should just give it time. It takes a bit more effort for me. I guess they don’t always give me a chance to explain myself. Sometimes, people get angry with me because I take things that are said a bit too seriously. I overreact a lot but that’s not my fault, it just happens. I’ll get offended by certain things that other people don’t care about. Sometimes, I don’t understand what was said so I won’t know how to react. People can get annoyed by things like this because they simply don’t understand.
Have you ever been treated differently because you have Asperger syndrome? If so, if you could say anything to the person or people who have treated you differently because of it, what would you say?
In a way, yes. I don't know if this was deliberate but once I told some people I had Asperger syndrome and they treated me in a very patronising way. Like I said, they probably didn’t mean to do it but I suppose they wanted to make things simple for me. It hurt me, though. At the time, I thought they might have done it in order to make me feel small or little. Some kept laughing at how I say things or explain things (people with Aspergers are known to not make sense sometimes) and it was annoying and hurtful because they don't understand how hard it is to make a sentence right. It seems perfect and right in my head but then it comes out as a mess. All I could say to them is that I may have this condition but it doesn’t give them the right to treat me differently and in a negative way. Just because I have high functional Autism and Aspergers and have these difficulties with things, it doesn't make me stupid or any different to anyone else. At the end of the day, we are all human.
I was unsure of what Asperger syndrome actually was until I met you and you told me about it. I think that’s down to the fact there’s not enough awareness about it. Do you think the media does enough to raise awareness of it? Do you think they should do more?
No, there definitely needs to be more awareness. Sometimes, Asperger sufferers can feel isolated or lonely because they feel nobody understands them and that makes them feel like an alien or someone from another planet. People need to understand what Autism and Asperger syndrome are, especially at a young age like this too. In your life, you will meet different people. So I believe awareness is needed. I mean, in a way, the media does show some celebrities who have Aspergers but it does not show enough documentaries and so forth in order to show people the full picture. Without awareness, people cannot understand it. I also think schools should raise awareness about it.
Have you ever been a situation where your Asperger syndrome has held you back? How did the people around you react to that?
Yes, a couple of times. I couldn't stick up for myself because of it. In primary school (and for a bit of high school), I got bullied because of it and I allowed them to walk all over me because I didn't have the confidence to tell them to stop or say no, which made me feel lonely in the end. I didn't really want to tell anyone. It made me feel as if nobody would ever understand and that if I explained, they still wouldn't. My parents kept visiting the school because of it. It’s not just my Aspergers that stops me doing things but also my social anxiety/phobia (which comes hand-in-hand with Asperger syndrome). I told my parents how I was struggling and right now, I am seeing a CAMHS therapist to help me prepare for the future.
Do you find that people are understanding of the fact that you have Asperger syndrome? Have you ever had an experience where a close friend or someone you know well has treated you in a way that you find offensive?
Some do, some don't, but I don't feel like pushing them to understand because I don't want to annoy them (after all, they are my closest friends). However, I will tell them when something they say to me is offensive so they know not to say something like that again. One time, I was in town with friends and one of them wanted to go to a particular place to hang out; I didn't really feel comfortable going there because I don't like big crowds. I thought I was grown-up so I thought maybe I would have enough confidence to hang out in the big crowd. When we got there, loads of strangers and people I’d never met sat by us. They knew my friends but not me and I started to freak out because I was paranoid and scared as they were new people. It got to the point where my anxiety was getting really out of hand and I started to sweat and panic.
So, I asked my friend if we could go somewhere else but all she said was, "Why?" and when I explained my anxiety to her, all she said was, "They’re nice people. This is what I want to do. We’ll leave in a couple of hours." So, I waited (against my will) but it was just getting worse and I was on the edge of crying so I told my other friend I needed to go and she understood so we left and went home. Some people who read this may think, "How selfish!" but if you were out of your comfort zone (and I definitely was), I’m sure you would want to escape. Once my anxiety is high, the aftermath can make me feel ill and run down. I have to take things one step at a time, however I made a mistake and took one big step and I am never doing it again. However, this doesn’t mean all my friends aren’t understanding. This happened once. My close friends are very cautious when I am around and I'm really grateful for what my friends have done for me.
Lastly, is there anything you'd like to say to those who may be suffering from Asperger syndrome and finding things hard?
Well, to all the Asperger syndrome sufferers out there who are struggling, you're never alone. You should never be afraid to tell someone that you're finding something difficult. I regret those times where I never asked people for assistance and I really hope no one else is put in the same situation. Think about the people who care for you, you shouldn't care about what others say because they don't know you. The ones you love are the key to leading a great life. Don't let people bring you down for something you cannot help and if they do try, they are the ones with the issues, not you.
The main point I’m trying to make is that people cannot control the things you do. If you feel uncomfortable doing something, you don’t have to. Find the courage to say what’s right and don't feel forced. If people ever call you stupid, think about all the people who have been very successful in what they do that have Asperger syndrome (for example, Einstein and Mozart). Thinking about these sorts of things always helps to keep you positive and at the end of the day, that’s the best medicine.
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5 Comments – Post a comment
thechaser
Commented 39 months ago - 12th February 2013 - 11:41am
hey thanks for your article as i myself have suffered with Aspergers from very early ages i have fully read Alice's comments and agree with a lot of what she said especially the last question about what she said about never being afraid to tell anyone how they are feeling although that can be very difficult. i strongly agree that there should be more awareness over Aspergers.
End0fDarkness
Commented 39 months ago - 13th February 2013 - 15:25pm
Aspergers and autism in general seems like a widely misunderstood or unknown area when it comes to the public.
Good article, it was good to hear the side of someone who does actually have aspergers rather than just reading about it.
Dan (Sub-Editor)
Commented 39 months ago - 16th February 2013 - 04:46am
This was a fantastic and very informative interview. Thanks to both Reinette and Alice for taking the time to make this — I have no doubt it will go on to educate a lot of people.
I agree that there isn't enough about Aspergers/autism in the media. Although one very good example of a TV character with Aspergers (or at least being somewhere on the autistic spectrum) would be Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory. While he's a fictional character and I'm sure some of his quirks are exaggerated for comical effect, I think the show still paints a pretty good picture of someone with autism.
reinette
Commented 39 months ago - 27th February 2013 - 19:08pm
Thank you for all the nice comments on this article! It's good to see that lots of people agree with me over raising awareness in regards to Asperger syndrome! :) I hope this article serves its purpose and opens many peoples' eyes to a seriously misunderstood condition! xo
bellaj78
Commented 38 months ago - 5th March 2013 - 06:24am
Nice read! Today people are still unaware about the facts of Aspergers that is why it is essential to conduct some awareness programs in our society. People should know that Asperger is not a contagious disease and is not spread through the general communication.
Reference: - http://cluas.ie/children/aspergers-syndrome/