Swinging Through The Sky
Author's Note: As this is my first poem, I'd really appreciate it if you could give me some feedback, so I can improve and progress.
I swung on the swing, swung hard and high
And flew off the seat and into the sky.
As I scream faster until it’s gone noon
There I was in a place all doom and gloom.
The night in its glory was as dark as a bat,
Moving on and on until I lost track.
I want to go home but which way do I go?
The sky is so dark, ground covered in snow.
I see buildings so high with their long pointed tops,
But all of a sudden I come to a stop.
I spiral down, fall and fall,
I land on the swing, for a moment I stall
I go back each night hoping it will happen again,
All that adventure, it’s unhinged my brain!!
News Categories Creative Writing
IMAGE: Fue hace ya mucho tiempo by photographer padawan *(xava du)
5 Comments – Post a comment
SamuelPatterson
Commented 65 months ago - 9th January 2011 - 11:28am
That's a great introductory poem. I don't think you need much feedback. I think you've done a great job!
Unhinged
Commented 65 months ago - 9th January 2011 - 12:16pm
thanks m8 i tride my best and im happy that you liked it :)
NICOLEisCOOL.
Commented 65 months ago - 9th January 2011 - 12:30pm
I agree with Stormer, it's a really good introductory poem.
All I can say is, I hope you write some more! :-D
Unhinged
Commented 65 months ago - 9th January 2011 - 17:57pm
will do...But only on the weekends cuz of scool and stuff.
Unhinged
Commented 65 months ago - 10th January 2011 - 17:51pm
foud a way to post on week days!!