Schizophrenia
I'm not here, but you can see me. I talk, I smile, I yell, but it's not me.
I'm lost in the sea of voices that only I can hear. The voices are my friends and my worst enemies.
My doctor says I created them out of loneliness, but now they keep me lonely. Who wants to be friends with a freak who has voices talking to her in her head?
The minute someone hears the word "schizophrenia" they take off running. I'm not sane, I'm not safe. It might be contagious. I could snap at any moment. This is how everyone who knows feels.
So the voices keep me company, reminding me that they are the only ones who can accept me. I believe them most days. They're the perfect friends. Sure, they don't have names or faces. Maybe they can't hold me when I need a hug, or wipe away my tears, but those voices are the only ones who care enough to desire to do these things.
Sometimes I fade out into the voices and one will take over, living life for me. Dissociative Identity Disorder, it's called. But, what these doctors don't understand is, all of these voices are me, in different forms. None of them would do anything harmful to me, they're my friends. Why do you want to take away my friends who are always there for me? Why do you want to hurt me so much? You're no doctor, you're a monster! Don't kill them! They're my friends! If you kill them, or silence them with "medicine", I won't get better. I'll just fall deeper. I'm fine the way I am! Except, I'm really not.
Schizophrenia as it pertains to me. I have a mild case, which can get worse with severe emotional distress. I know that there are people who suffer worse cases. People say I suffer from schizophrenia, but if the only people willing to talk to me are the voices in my head, then I'm not suffering, I'm surviving.
News Categories Creative Writing
Info Health Emotional and Mental Health Psychosis
IMAGE: THIRTYEIGHT by ortizmj12
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3 Comments – Post a comment
Sam Sprout (Editor)
Commented 60 months ago - 20th May 2011 - 11:03am
I appreciate this is a piece of creative writing but if any readers would like to talk to someone about schizophrenia or (mental health issues in general) there are several organisations in Cardiff available to you including Mental Health Matters, Cardiff Mind and The Four Winds Centre.
Of course you can always talk to Meic.
DeadAngelLover22
Commented 60 months ago - 22nd May 2011 - 22:33pm
Very strong peice, and very well written. . .i'm sure many can understand how you feel.
Tansi
Commented 57 months ago - 4th September 2011 - 06:24am
I really liked this piece of writing. It was... different.
I like reading your work because it fascinates me at the depth you go into with not necessarily words but with feelings.
All your work is great. Keep it up :)