Roses Are Red, Are You Feeling Blue?
Single and proud.
This is my feeling towards my current relationship position. I am a nineteen year old female student studying at Cardiff University (perhaps the best possible situation in life to be single), I have had only one boyfriend in my life so far and I am completely comfortable with that fact. I have friends who have had more relationship experience than me, some with less. Some who love being in a relationship and others who prefer the single life. This diversity serves to justify that all relationship levels are perfectly normal and everybody has a different idea of what constitutes as love.
But one particular date on the calendar is stereotypically dreaded by singletons and even those of us who are not intimidated by the annual holiday cannot avoid Valentine’s Day.
Why is it that when the clock ticks over to 12.01 on the 14th February do those of us on the individual end of the relationship scale feel obliged to question our position on the spectrum of relationships?! We are secure individuals until that one particular dreaded date pops up and suddenly, something normally quite insignificant seems to wholly define us and what we represent.
Even the advance in technology has assisted in the increase in pressure as the uncertainty has now seeped from reality into the virtual world. Social networking phenomenon’s such as Facebook has introduced the definitive decision... what is my relationship status? Plus in this liberal society we inhabit, the verdict of this self-labelling is no longer a dichotomy, as options such as ‘it's complicated’ are commonly adopted.
To those more paranoid, it seems that society and the media have developed the ideology, and embedded it in Valentines propaganda, that all singles are lonely, depressed spinsters, unhappy with their situation and desperate to be in a relationship (Re: Bridget Jones's Diary). Whereas the reality is far from this dismal negativity and many single people are content with embracing their freedom in the absence of fearing the typical dinner party question "How’s your love life?" This attack on independence is a result of the combination of all branches of the culture industry intertwined to create a powerful metaphorical noose which we singletons are encouraged to end our misery with.
The strands of culture forging together are a consequence of the discovery that a profit can be made from the exploitation of the themes surrounding Valentine’s Day. The commercialization of the holiday can lead to doubt over the legitimacy of the affection when expressed though the purchase of consumer products and merchandise. The longevity of the holiday has now swelled with the overlap into the month which precedes it as shoppers are now bombarded with the opportunity to buy Valentines gifts earlier every year. The saturation and intensity of Valentines in a commercial respect ensures that even those who initially dodge the jealousy bug are prone to contamination.
As with other holidays, such as Christmas, shops take full advantage of the chance to decorate and adorn their premises and shopping is transformed into a journey seemingly into the very depths of love itself. Shops are coated with various hues of red and as this is Valentines of course it is not plain old red, it's scarlet, crimson and coquelicot. Oversized balloons, giant teddy bears larger than a man and ordinary objects remade in the shape of a heart saturate gift shops. Those who are brave enough to enter card shops are faced with an endless list of decisions and options concerning the perfect choice for their loved one. Whether to play it cool with an average card expressing moderate affection via a tacky joke and avoiding the taboo word of ‘love’ or go the whole hog and opt for a soppy card complete with gooey poem and dipped in glitter.
Whilst receiving any of these Valentine themed gifts is lovely and reinforces the love and bond shared between a pair of lovers, the question is whether the giving and receiving of such love is turning us into cultural dupes? The basis of the culture industry debate lies within Valentine’s Day as can something so commercially and mass produced truly symbolize meaningful love and affection? Similarly, with the growth of commercialisation of the holiday its history is being threatened. Does anybody actually know the history of Saint Valentine and the story behind the tradition? Or has this fundamental basis of the holiday been forgotten and wrapped up in sparkly wrapping paper and fastened with a pink bow?
The primary debate facing my single friends and I this Valentines is whether or not to take the plunge and go out clubbing? We are faced with the inevitable prospect of every nightclub holding a Valentine themed event such as a replication of Take Me Out live on stage or a "wear green if your available" dress code. It is impossible to escape the hysteria. Therefore, the consensus amongst my friends is rather than hideaway, we will embrace the single life and celebrate it in style.
This decision however is complex as we wish to liberate ourselves but I myself question the motives for my determination to go out. Is it to satisfy myself that I am free and comfortable? Or (as I fear) is it to prove society wrong and shout out that I refuse to be the stereotypical sad, lonely singleton? If the latter reason is in fact truth then perhaps I am no better than the man who writes his lovers name in the sky, orders a rose for every day of knowing his valentine and whisks his beloved off to Paris, as we are both conforming to society’s wishes.
All I know is that I will definitely be clubbing on the 14th February. Totally at ease with my singleness but possibly dressed up as cupid... well a girl has gotta have some fun!
Info Family & Relationships Being in a Relationship
IMAGE: in un momento by guerico
2 Comments – Post a comment
Tyezer
Commented 63 months ago - 15th February 2011 - 09:11am
Great article and completely true. I'm in a relationship and although we don't celebrate Valentine's Day, I still felt guilty last night that I went over to my friends dress rehearsal for a new play she's working on. When she sent me the text saying dress rehearsal, Monday 14th, I replied 'don't you know it's Valentine's Day?'. I don't even celebrate the day and my boyfriend is even less into it that I am, but even so, I still felt that we should probably stay in together. It's odd isn't it? We live together so another night in front of the TV wouldn't exactly be a night to remember! So anyway, I did go out and had a great night and got back to my boyfriend saying 'I thought you'd be back early, it is Valentine's Day'. How funny? He hates Valentine's Day, but somehow the pressure that society puts into this day had even got to him. I said, 'I've got a solution, let's spend tomorrow night in together instead.. we could have dinner, watch TV, maybe even a film...' hold on, isn't that what we do every other night of the week? ;)
hair_chops
Commented 63 months ago - 15th February 2011 - 18:46pm
I'm in a relationship and I HATE Valentine's day. I completely agree with you, and feel that what we currently know as Valentine's day is probably nothing to do with St Valentine himself. It's a holiday spurred on by greetings card companies that just want to earn more money from us through guilt.
I feel that if me and my partner NEEDED a day to show our love to each other then we really shoulnd't be together!