LGBT History Month: How I Came Out

Posted by AddictedToDrPepper1 from Cardiff - Published on 06/02/2012 at 13:42
9 comments » - Tagged as Culture, Education, People, Topical

Yn Gymraeg

Sub-Ed Note: This article contains language and themes that may not be suitable to all tastes, but is well worth a read for the rest of you!

Hey my name is Cosmo, I came out as a Trans-male last month. I've been slowly coming out for about a year now, starting as bi-curious, to lesbian and then last month I was sick of not telling everyone the full story.

I've been incredibly depressed because I've had to hide all of this and for other reasons and the night I came out I self-harmed. I was terrified that I was going to do something stupid, so I logged onto Meic and spent about two hours talking through everything. Afterwards, I felt so great, I had the courage to post this on Facebook:

“I'm gay, no, I'm more than gay. I'm transgender and this is the first time I've ever told anyone other than my girlfriend and two of my best friends. I've never felt comfortable being a girl. I always felt I was a freak because of that and because I was bullied by people for being 'different.' All the other girls I knew when I was a kid, were making daisy chains and talking about the boys they liked, while I played with Pokemon cards. My first crush wasn't a boy, it was a girl and I never told anyone. I've always known that I was 'different' and I was scared to tell people because they would judge me.

But y'know what, f*** them if they do judge me! Or anyone like me for that matter. I know now that it's fine to like girls and want to be a guy because that's who I am and I was f***ing born this way. I want to live in a world; where it's all out for equality, where no one uses trivial bulls*** like religion to hide behind as they beat thousands of people down because they don't agree with them and God forbid appose to their self-righteousness. I want to live in a world where d***s like the Daily Mail don't use something like cancer and suicide as tools to scare everyone into believing their bulls*** and propaganda. Where they don't blame bands like MCR for kids killing and hurting themselves, when really it's the f***ed up judgmental society, p****s like them impose on us that make kids go f***ing nuts. Funnily enough telling us that we'll never be good enough because we have curves or have imperfections is going to mess a lot of people up! Yeah, well done society! Hundreds of people kill themselves every week and some of them do it because they would rather die than live in a world that you chose for them.

I'm going to be honest, last night was the first time in a long time that I put a pencil sharper blade to my arm and cut myself. I freaked out last night massively. I was convinced I was going to do something stupid so I logged onto a site called and meiccymru.org and spent about two hours talking anonymously with them about everything. To be honest, I'm glad I freaked out because it's made me see that I do need help with some of the things that are happening in my life and it's about f***ing time that I used the help that's offered to me properly.

I hate the world we live in but I'm done sitting around complaining and doing f*** all to change it. So no, I'm not going to kill myself, I'm going to stick around and get better so I can get back into school, pass my exams, help people and change this world for the better. So, please listen to me when I say it does get better, but you have to be the one to make it better. F*** what society says about you, that you're not perfect because everyone of you are. And it doesn't matter if you like the same gender or want to be a different gender or whatever skin colour you have or religion you are or how fat or skinny you are. You're all beautiful. It's f***ing cheesy but it's true! So, please don't hurt yourself and please if you feel down get help because as the wonderful Mr. Gerard Way says; "Nothing is worth hurting yourself over and nothing is worth taking your life over."

Here's a list of useful numbers and websites:

www.meiccymru.org - 080880 23456
www.thecalmzone.net/suicide
www.childline.org.uk - 0800 1111
NHS Direct - 0845 4647
www.samaritans.org - 08457 90 90 90

Because they're 0800 help numbers, it's free and won't show up on the phone bill. Remember kids, just keep swimming.”

That status got 176 likes and 85 comments, all positive. I know some people in my school have critisized me for making this status/coming out this way. Saying things like "it's not something you should post on Facebook" or "she's just doing it for attention", which honestly really hurts. But the people who are saying all this, already hated me! So IDGAF what they think! Really, are they so petty, that they'd use my sexuality as a reason to get at me. That's sad and I really do feel sorry for them and their insecure, ignorant little lives.

I know some of the people reading this will be in the same boat as me and are as finding as hard to come out as I did. But you need to listen to me, just f*** what people think about you. I am so much more happy now I've come out. Things will get better, trust me on that. I meant 100% what I said in that status. Things will get better, I promise.

Click here for theSprout's LGBT articles

Info Family & Relationships Being in a Relationship

Info Health Emotional and Mental Health Self Harm

Info Health Emotional and Mental Health Depression

TheSproutDirect.co.uk Loud and Proud: Cardiff LGBT Youth Provision

Events LGBT History Month

9 Comments – Post a comment

LoudandProud

Commented 52 months ago - 6th February 2012 - 16:59pm

Hi Cosmo,

thanks for writing this article and is great to hear that you do not care what people think. Coming-out was probably a big deal for you. A lot of people do take it to heart what other people think of them and I hope this article helps other people out there.

Also you may of heard or seen on here about the youth provision who work with young Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender young people known as Loud & Proud.

If you would like to come along and see what we do or get involved then give us an email at info@loudandproud-cardiff.co.uk

John
ACEO