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Gender Talk - The Final Interview With Anon, UK

Posted by lowerthanelis from Cardiff - Published on 28/01/2013 at 17:24
0 comments » - Tagged as Culture, Education, Health, People, Topical

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In the final Gender Talk interview, I talk to a Trans* man from the UK about his opinions, experiences and perspective upon gender. For privacy purposes he would like to remain anonymous.

Was there a definitive moment in your life where you realised you were the opposite gender to your biological one?

No real definitive moment, my gender was something that I struggled with all my life and as a child I liked dressing and being referred to as a boy. When I was about 15 I saw a documentary about an FTM (female-to-male) and although I was intrigued, at the time I didn’t see it as something that was actually possible to do. I went to an all-girls school for my secondary education and never fitted in. A big moment for me was Year 11 awards, when all the girls wore dresses I wore black jeans and a shirt. I was always uncomfortable dressing ‘girly’ and avoided it when I could, but peer/societal pressure made me try to be stereotypically female, but it really didn’t work.

When I went to college it was a lot freer and less judgemental so I felt comfortable to explore my sexuality and gender identity, I initially came out as gay but throughout my first year of college I began dressing/acting more and more masculine and was taken for a guy a lot of the time.

I can’t remember how I came across trans guys on YouTube, but I found a few popular guys and watched their transition in mid-2010 and realised that transitioning from one gender to another is something that people do. I started exploring transitioning as something that I could do and talked to my mum about it first in late 2010. I also started experimenting with binding my chest at night (I wasn’t out to anyone) because I liked the way it looked, I also worked out to gain muscle and cut my hair short because the more masculine I appeared the more comfortable I felt.

It was a gradual realisation that made my behaviour and life make sense (cheesy I know). Realising I was transgender gave explanations to a lot of things and soon as I knew transitioning was possible I knew it was what I needed to do.

Do you think there is a difference transitioning from MTF (male-to-female) or FTM (female-to-male)? Do you think it is harder for one than the other?

Yes in some ways and no in others. Physically transitioning is very different for MTFs and FTMs, I feel that aside from hips and height FTMs are a blank canvas that testosterone masculinises. A majority of the time it is incredibly effective and I haven’t seen a transguy on testosterone (6 months +) that I would think twice about their gender. Whereas for MTFs there are a lot of already irreversible physical aspects, such as deep voice, Adam's apple, body hair, broad shoulders, larger bone structure, facial hair and possible male pattern baldness. I’m not saying it’s easy for FTMs, I just think that MTFs have a lot of physical aspects that won’t be fixed with hormone treatment, where FTMs have more of a lack of physicality that testosterone then causes.

There also seems to be a lot more stigma attached to being MTF opposed to FTM. But things like coming out and dealing with gender dysphoria are things that vary from person to person but are not specifically easier or harder for either gender.

What is the most commonly asked question you receive about your gender and what is the answer to it?

It’s probably how I realised I was transgender; the answer is that same as the answer to the first question. Or what my name was before, but I don’t answer this one.

Do you feel it is more difficult to transition in the USA compared to the UK, as there is the benefit of free surgery and hormones on the NHS?

I’m not very clued up on transitioning in the US, it sounds as if they need to have a lot more therapy and obviously there is no NHS equivalent, but sometimes insurance can cover at least part of the costs. Sorry I can’t answer this more in depth, but I will say that a lot of guys that transition on the NHS have complaints about how slow the process is, but you don’t hear many complaints from guys in the US about their transition speed. It’s mainly finding a doctor who will treat you/a specialist in your area.

Were you concerned about the reactions of family and friends about your gender? Did they accept you straight-away or did it take some time?

I was yes, not so much family because my parents are very open-minded and have always told me they love and accept me no matter what. Everyone close to me pretty much accepted straight-away, it took most people a while to understand it and get their heads round what I was doing. So it was more a case that it took people some time to adjust and understand rather than accept. It took me the longest to tell my girlfriend, who was my best friend at the time, I think it was because I was most worried about losing her out of everyone else aside from family (I knew I wouldn’t lose my family).  I lost some peripheral people and I know that a lot of people who knew me before didn’t understand and judged me quite a lot.

Have you ever been discriminated against by the public (i.e. workplace, education or the general public)?

I’ve been really lucky actually; I haven’t personally been discriminated against. I think this is mainly due to the way I’ve chosen to approach my transition, the people around me and also because I passed pretty okay pre-T. My college was great about my transition and just accepted what I wanted to do and made the necessary adjustments, I don’t have a job due to health reasons so I can’t talk for the workplace and I applied to university after I had legally changed my name and gotten ID in my new name. When I was pre-T I used to get funny looks when using public toilets and I know people used to say things behind my back at college, but I just ignored it. I think I’m a fairly unique case in the sense that I haven’t suffered any discrimination; I’m not sure why I haven’t when so many others do, but I certainly feel very lucky.

Have you had any difficulties finding employment?

Due to the above-mentioned reason I haven’t had a job since transitioning, but I’m at a stage where I’m considering going for a job this summer. I am a little nervous as my national insurance number is under my old name and so is my birth certificate, so that has put me off going for things in the past, not just jobs.

Do you feel that the media has effects on the way society views non-binary and transgender individuals?

Yes, definitely for transgender individuals, not really for non-binary. There is so much more coverage for transgender individuals than there used to be, a lot of it is positive, but sometimes the media doesn’t convey the community in the correct way, i.e. wrong use of pronouns and terminology. The coverage can be good, especially documentaries, I certainly found them useful when I first started questioning. Although, the extra coverage means that trans individuals who have undergone surgery or are on a certain prescription may be identified by others because of something they watched on TV, like they learnt that transmen get top surgery and some have double incision scars.

Something that still needs to be reported more is attacks and discrimination against transgender individuals, it’s very prevalent in our society but I don’t think it gets enough media attention when it does happen. Sometimes even when it is covered the reporters use the wrong pronouns and convey the transgender individual as more of a transvestite that a transsexual.

I think the main thing that increased media about transgender individuals has done is brought about awareness, sometimes this is good and sometimes it’s not. But it hasn’t really done anything to reduce the stigma against the label transgender, when people who haven’t heard it before meet someone who is trans it’s an automatic judgment and questions about your junk and surgery (not all the time, just a lot of it).

Do you have any advice for younger or questioning individuals?

If you know who you are then stick to it, don’t let people tell you you’re wrong, going through a phase or too young to know. Seek help from gender specialists, in the form of counsellors, phone lines and websites and try and network with other young transgender and non-binary individuals because it’s a great support system.

Do your research when coming out, if you think a parent will be unsupportive then make sure they are educated on what it means to be transgender. A lot of the time it’s through ignorance and not understanding what you’re telling them. Reassurance is important also, it’s one of the hardest things for a parent to hear and they may need some reassurance that you are still you.

Be patient, it’s a long process.  It can take a while to figure yourself out, everyone finds out in different ways and at different stages in their life. If you decide you want to medically transition, then patience is you best friend, things may seem impossibly far away but you will get there at some stage and it will all be worth it.

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