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Posted by JustNotNormal from Cardiff - Published on 25/02/2013 at 15:59
9 comments » - Tagged as Creative Writing

  • Shoes

My name is Abby, and I live with my brother Freddie in the attic of an abandoned shoelace factory.

I have lived here for as long as I can remember. The attic is cold, draughty, and every inch of it is covered in dust, but at least there's lots of space, and we never run out shoelaces.

Freddie says it's safer for me to stay here, and that one day, he'll take me out with him, but I've already been outside loads of times. Freddie's hammock is conveniently places under a mossy window in the roof. The hinges squeak and I have to push it really hard, but it's worth it. I clamber out onto the roof, a sudden gust of wind pushing me into the sloped plastic. I slide off the window ledge and down the roof to the flat surface of the building next door. I peek over the edge to the road below. The gates to the factory are locked, as always, but a new sign has been tied to the bars.

'Building scheduled for demolition: Do Not Enter'

I sneak away from the edge and carry on along the roof. I gaze around, looking for a good place to sit. I spot one, and walk carefully towards it, climbing through a half-built building to a flat roof above the centre of town. Pulling an apple from my pocket, I sit cross-legged near the edge. The wind blows my tangled, long blonde hair around my face.

The first spots of rain fall onto my bare arms and face, and I smell the familiar smells of unsettled dust and food drifting up from the streets below. I see the familiar sights of people shopping and cars racing past far below, and the puffy greyish clouds far above. I feel the familiar thoughts filling my head. Why do I stay in that horrible old attic, when I could live in the real world, experiencing this every day? How can Freddie be so sure that the best way for me to live is stuck in that grey box full of dusty shoelaces? The one person I've ever talked to is Freddie. I have had enough. I'll have to leave sooner or later, or I won't have a choice, and I know that as soon as our factory is destroyed, Freddie will find somewhere new to trap me. Where will I go? I don't know. But I have to go.

Back in the attic, I grab my spare clothes and shove them into a sack with half of the money Freddie hides in the corner. I brush my fingers over the dust in the middle of the room. With trembling hands, I write out the words, 'I'm sorry Freddie. I hope we'll see each other again.' Armed with my sack full of clothes, money and some food, I slip back out onto the roof, and lock myself out in the rain.

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9 CommentsPost a comment



Commented 39 months ago - 25th February 2013 - 18:30pm

Very good. Very well written. I really want to know what happens next!! :)



Commented 39 months ago - 27th February 2013 - 20:56pm

Really good, I love it! Good Luck in the 500 words competition with this story, I know you'll do well!

Something Sporty

Commented 39 months ago - 28th February 2013 - 16:36pm

This is really good!



Commented 39 months ago - 2nd March 2013 - 09:38am

Yeah, good luck to you and RavenclawDauntlessMockingjay with both of your stories :D



Commented 38 months ago - 7th March 2013 - 12:43pm

I love RavenclawDauntlessMockingjay's story too.

smiley face!

smiley face!

Commented 38 months ago - 7th March 2013 - 12:48pm

oh this is a great story. you should write something like hetty feather- the jacquline wilson books



Commented 38 months ago - 1st April 2013 - 19:19pm

This story gave me goosebumps! I can picture it in my head, so it's very well descripted! Thank you. Good luck in your competition This story is very good and I know you will do well.

Thanks again :)



Commented 38 months ago - 2nd April 2013 - 19:42pm

@twilightcrazedxxx thanks I'm really glad you like it!!!



Commented 37 months ago - 5th April 2013 - 10:17am

I really do! One day you'll have to write the rest :p x

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