Cosmo Can't Cook

Posted by AddictedToDrPepper1 from Cardiff - Published on 12/11/2012 at 15:51
8 comments » - Tagged as Food & Drink

This article is pending translation.

I'm the laziest teenage boy ever but I love food. It's a hard life it really is. I tend to just not eat unless my Dad cooks for me or I order a pizza or something but there are rare times where I'm like 'hell yes, let's make some food.'

It's taken 15 years to master to microwave and toaster and the stove if I'm feeling extra dangerous. I have Dyspraxia, so the risk of setting the house on fire is pretty high whenever I attempt to cook.

I take it I can't be the only one that's this rubbish at this basic life skill. I've not an alpha male and I am not a hunter-gatherer; I'm a small boy who likes comic books and food. You can't expect me to find out how to turn the oven on; it's a miracle I haven't died from a deep paper cut.

So some Cosmo Can't Cook recipes are:

Making Toast Taste Like Waffles

It sounds insane, I know! But Jesus it's good. Basically what you need is:

Bread
A toaster
A ton of butterscotch sauce

This is not good for anyone who has sensitive teeth because after the second piece you can feel them crying.

So whack the radio on, 80s dance tunes can never go wrong. Slam some bread in the toaster and dance about the kitchen for however long it takes to go pop. When it finally does go pop, take it out, try not to burn yourself. Whack it down onto the counter or a plate or whatever and just drown it with butterscotch.

Then sit back, relax and enjoy those cavities.

Chocolate Chip Cookie In A Ramekin For One

Ingredients for a single serving:

One tablespoon (tbsp) unsalted butter, at room temperature
Half a tbsp of unrefined granulated sugar, such as evaporated cane juice
Half a tbsp of packed light brown sugar
One beaten egg, preferably organic
A small splash of vanilla extract
Two-and-a-half tbsps of whole-wheat pastry flour
An eighth of a teaspoon (tsp) of baking soda
A grain of salt, any more and you'll break the universe
One tbsp of grain-sweetened chocolate chips

In a small ramekin or microwavable cup, combine softened butter and both sugars; stab and stir with a spoon and then do the same with the beaten egg and vanilla extract. Stir in flour, baking soda, and salt just until combined. Throw in some chocolate chips and whisk that beauty up.

Microwave on full blast for 35-40 seconds. Let cookie rest at room temperature for about ten seconds before shoving in your mouth and destroying.

A Brownie In A Mug

Fill the mug:

A quarter-full with sugar
A quarter-full with flour (I used gluten-free flour last time because I was at my mum's house who can't eat gluten, still tasted fabulous)
Two tbsps of cocoa
A pinch of salt
Two tbsp of olive oil
Three tbsp of water
And some ice cream if you want

Add all the dry ingredients together in the mug and then add the water and oil and stir it all together. Keep stirring and stabbing and mixing until it's nice and smooth and consistent then whack it in the microwave 1 minute and 40 seconds.

Be careful it'll be hotter than the sun when you take it out.

Pop on some ice cream if you want and enjoy.

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8 Comments – Post a comment

Ollys_Direction

Commented 42 months ago - 12th November 2012 - 15:58pm

Cosmo, you genius! I can't cook, either. Well, that's a lie, I can cook soup, but I'm not trusted with a knife because I'll cut myself so I have to be "supervised" by my mother who is a cook. Lately, I've just been making mayo/ketchup/butter sandwiches and they are lush!

I will definitely try your recipes! >< x