They’re Late: A Tale of Anxiety
This article was written for World Mental Health Day.
Right! Feeling good, feeling happy. I’m out the house and ready to enjoy my day. Girlfriend should be here shortly and then we’re off to the bay! She should be here aaany minute now. My fault for being so early, I guess. But what if I’d been held up by something or Dough had been closed, I wouldn’t have had time to grab lunch. A good lunch, too. Just hope that I have room for our dinner later.
Pretty sure I locked up on the way out. I must have done. I wouldn’t have picked up my keys without locking the door. Yes, I distinctly remember doing it now. Or am I thinking of yesterday? No matter! My housemates are in, either way.
What time is it? Surely she should be here by now. I wonder if she got delayed somehow. Does that mean I have to wait here even longer? It’s actually getting a bit cold... Could have brought a jacket, but that would have just been more stuff to carry. That’s life, I suppose.
Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten so much; actually feeling a little ill now. Maybe I’ve caught something? Are you supposed to feed colds or fevers? I always forget it, but never think to look it up! I should do that when I get in. Don’t want to waste all of my phone’s battery now.
She’s really taking her time, isn’t she? I hope she’s alright. Could something have happened to her? She could be sick... Maybe there was a family emergency or something? Would she have called or text me if that were the case? I guess I wouldn’t be her first priority... This is crazy thinking! She’s just running late, I’m sure. It happens. Yeah, that must be it...
Did I forget anything? Don’t think so... Am I doing anything in particular today? Nope, just going out and then going home. Wallet, phone and keys; wallet, phone and keys. That should be everything, but I feel like I’m forgetting something important. What could it be!?
I bet she’s not coming. She probably forgot. This was all pretty last minute after all. She would have just got up and started hanging around with her housemate, playing video games or watching a movie or something. I hate that guy so much. He’s such a tool. Why the hell does she even like hanging around with him? Could it be that...?
Now I’m really starting to feel really nauseous; sweating a lot, too. This is so uncomfortable; I can’t stop fidgeting. Maybe I shouldn’t have come out. I could have guessed that something would go wrong. I mean, it usually does. I really wish I was home right now. That would be so much easier.
Nope. I’m done. I’ve got to go home right now. I just can’t stay here a minute longer. I’ll throw up, I swear! Oh God, why do these things keep happening to me? I feel like I’m going mad! Like I could break down right here...
They’re seeing each other, I know it! The signs are all there. I didn’t want to think it, but it’s the only logical conclusion. They’ve got so much history and they get along so well. It’s obvious! She doesn’t care about me and may never have. I feel so stupid!
How could she do this to me? I’m trembling all over and feel like I could collapse any second. I can’t stop thinking about her and him together; laughing at me! How long has it been going on? Am I the only one that didn’t know? What did I do wrong? Why is he better?
There’s someone behind me! What now?
Oh. Hey there, Hun. What’s that? Your alarm didn’t go off? No, no, it’s fine. I’ve just been thinking about stuff. Yep! I’m good to go. Really, don’t worry about it. These things happen all the time. It’s not like I’m going to let it get to me. Come on, let’s go have some fun!
Every damn time...
Remember you can always contact MEIC anonymously for information and advice if you suffer with anxiety or other problems.
If you'd like to find out more about about Mental Health come along to our event at Grassroots Cardiff on 10th Oct 2013, more info here.